When did I get so scared of dating? I use to love going on dates, meeting new guys and potentially meet someone, The One, who I could see myself with for the rest of my life. Four months after yet another failed relationship I am finding myself shying away from commitment. I use to crave commitment. I would meet a guy and want him all to myself, but now that I have someone, a guy I really have taken a liking to, calling me his girlfriend. WHERE IS THE PANIC BUTTON? Why can't that Staples "Easy" button actually work for this situation? Hit the button, "well this is easy," and let it be.
This is the first guy since my previous serious relationship I have given an actual chance. He is extremely handsome, funny, kind but most of all treats me right and likes everything about me! Okay, so what is the problem?
The problem rises from my past. My heart is protecting itself. I don't want to get hurt again. My previous boyfriends have all started out nice and caring, but broke my heart, who says this won't be the same?
It's Saturday night I'm at home, alone, watching Netflix; not by choice I wanted to go out, but apparently it's couples night in good old SLC. He is at the bar with his two best guy friends and another girl. Oh, I forgot to mention he lives five hours away.
The two word drunk texts are getting old and I am here just over thinking life at the moment. So I turn to my "Touched by an Angel" quote book by my bedside.
April 19: "There are rivers for you to cross, but when you walk through the waters, God will be with you. There are mountains for you to climb. But when you cannot take another step... He will carry you."
Well played God, well played.
So maybe there is a lot of truth in that, maybe I am suppose to climb this mountain of love one more time, but this time remember God will be there to pick me up when I feel like I can't try again or take that next step. So goodnight two word drunken text messages; yes, I will give it my all, but maybe not tonight ;)
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